Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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