you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
