also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize