meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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