I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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