Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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