I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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