I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
