I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
