Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
