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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
