my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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