Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
