Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
