last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
