Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
