The maid of honor just puked.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
