We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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