sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
