i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
