just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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