I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This house was built for laser tag.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
