Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
