somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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