This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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