sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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