The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
