Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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