whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
