I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
