I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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