Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
