thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
