why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
