He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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