I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize