is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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