It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
third nipple confirmed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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