Welp...herpes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
