Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
