Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
