I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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