you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
