I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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