she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
