wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i think im in europe. pls send help
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
