Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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