So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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