Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
please don't ironically join a cult
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