apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
