I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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