I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
