i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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