Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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