I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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