My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
