I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
