Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
