erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
