I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
