Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
