i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
