no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
