yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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