did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
