Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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