You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
