so explain again why im purple
no
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
