Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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